Karma

Earlier this week, I had to run a bunch of errands in the same area. Normally, I would lug the boys around and pray to God that it went well. Usually, it means stocking my bag with a bunch of goodies, taking Mama Speed (aka coffee), and packing lots of patience and a positive attitude (it works sometimes)! On this particular day, my husband was home, so I could do my errands in peace. I put the baby down for a nap and then prepared for two blissful hours of errand running sans children.  I went to the bathroom before I left and heard my older son come running down the stairs. "I need the bathroom, but Baba is upstairs!" So I yelled at him to use the bathroom in the basement. My husband comes strolling down a minute later, and I told him to go check on Thing 1. He informed me that our son had pooped and went on his way. I finished up and went to check on my son and he told me that he had, in fact pooped, and Baba had disappeared. The basement bathroom was also out of toilet paper. I ran up to the top floor to grab a roll (and search for my MIA husband).  As I passed the upstairs bathroom, I noticed something suspicious. The sliding shower door was closed, and it's normally left open. I found my husband hiding in the shower, trying to escape wiping duty. He was shocked that I found him, and so quickly, he's obviously oblivious to his post shower rituals and habits. I berated him for skipping on wiping and went to take care of my son.

I left the house and a few minutes later got a text from my husband. "The baby's awake." Oh well, I figured his problem, he can deal with it. A few minutes after, "I let him out, we're chilling and hanging out." Okay cool. "Oh my God the baby just diarrhead all over the place!" Followed by "It's a diaper explosion!" I couldn't help but laugh and think, "KARMA!" So I continued with my errands and get another text. "Ummm your son just peed all over the place." Now I was dying, this was flipping hilarious. I began to rush home, then figured, "Ehhh it's his problem, let him deal with it." I finished all my errands, and went on my merry way. I got home and my husband just looked at me and said, "I don't know how you do it." To which I replied, "Isn't karma funny?"

2 Year Old (IL)Logic

I was waiting for big brother to finish his bathroom transaction and spotted a spider. Naturally, having two boys and needing to take care of stuff alone, I had to kill it myself.  I pointed it out to my two year old, who being a boy, was fascinated. Then swatted it with a flip flop, and killed it. My two year old kept saying in Arabic, "Spider, yucky!" I told him not to touch it, and turned around to get a tissue to dispose of the carcass.  Two seconds later, I see him picking it up, with his bare hands. I flipped out and yelled at him to put it down, then grabbed a baby wipe (aka God's gift to moms) and wiped his hands, and cleaned up the gooey, dismembered mess. He saw my (over)reaction, freaks out, and starts crying, even though I had CLEARLY told him not to touch it. Only a 2 year old would have the logic of yucky = please touch me, MY logic must be the one that's off...

Honesty is the Best Policy?

A while back, the two crazies were playing with each other. Then big brother decided to get violent with baby brother. So I yelled at him, "What are you doing???!!!" He looked at me calmly and replied, "I"m trying to hurt him."  Honest...

And God Invented Coffee...

Last night was a really, really longggggg night. The kids went to bed later than usual, because I had to teach a class. By regular rules, the baby should have been exhausted, and ready for bed, but as soon as we got home, they were both in the mood to party. I had removed the cover for the crib, and installed the toddler rail, since the baby kept escaping during the night. I figured better safe than concussed. The previous night, he spent all night climbing in, and out of bed. I also decided this would be a great time to get rid of the pacifiers once, and for all. (Yeah, I'm really smart). Oh and my husband's out of town, so it's the trifecta.

Anyway, I finally heard him go to bed around 10, thankfully big brother was behaving and exhausted, so he went to be and stayed there. After he finally fell asleep, I managed to wash the dishes, and clean the bathrooms. I finally showered and went to bed close to 1 AM. Around 2:15, I heard thudding, and realized one of the kids was going down the stairs. Then I heard the child go back upstairs, close the door, and get into bed. I texted my husband that one of his kids was roaming the house, and thought that was that. A few minutes later, I head the door open again and thud thud thud, down the stairs. It was the baby. Rookie mistake #1, when I went to make sure that he was in bed after the first bed time, I had left the door ajar. Rookie mistake #2, I left the hallway light downstairs on, so he was being a brazen little monkey, having his way around the house.

At this point, I was curious to see how long he could possibly keep up his shenanigans. I mean, he must have been exhausted from the night before, the terrible nap he took during the day, and the fact that it was 2 in the morning. I heard him go up and down the stairs several times, grabbing various items from the pantry, mostly candy. At one point, I realized he grabbed an Atomic Fire Ball, because he started panting heavily after he popped it in. I saw him spit it out, put it on the cabinet in the hallway, then grab a napkin and throw it away. At this point, he realized his hands were really sticky, and tried to wipe them, but didn't have any baby wipes, and so he ended up using an entire roll of toilet paper.

He would go into his room, turn on the light and the fan, and have imaginary conversations with his brother.  His brother would not respond, and he realized no one was going to get up and join the party. Then he would turn off the fan and light, close the door, and crawl into bed. Every time I thought he was done, I would hear the door open, yet again, and thud thud thud down the stairs. Every time, he would come back up with candy. Finally, I heard him close the gate to the kitchen, and hoped to God that he was outside, and not in the kitchen. Eventually I heard crying, and figured, he had trapped himself inside the kitchen. I went downstairs, took a picture of the literally red handed (and red mouthed) criminal, took a picture of the time, washed him up, turned off the hall way light, and climbed back up the stairs.  As I climbed back up in the darkness, I was hugged by my older son at the top of the stairs, which scared the crap out of me. He went back to bed, and so did I. The baby stood downstairs, crying for Mama for a good while. I thought it was funny that he was so independent this whole time, but once the lights were off, it was a total game changer.

I carried him up the stairs, and put him in bed. This time I closed the door so he couldn't get out. He cried for a good 20 minutes before he finally settled down and went back to bed. I couldn't believe it. At this point it was close to 5 AM. So this saga lasted for almost 3 hours. I'm hoping tonight will be better.  I'm definitely not leaving any lights on, or doors open, that's for sure. All I can say is thank God there's coffee. I'm about to start my day...

An American (Mother's) Horror Story

Yesterday was an incredibly longggg day. I was fasting to make up days from last Ramadan (it's a Muslim thing). The boys were being particularly insane (I was probably more grouchy from lack of coffee/food), and I had no energy. Thankfully, my husband decided to pick up dinner for me to break fast with, and we would consider it a mini date, since he was going out of town. We eat our dinner and I run out to the grocery store to get stuff, so that I wouldn't have to shop with the boys (another horror story).

I find grocery shopping alone extremely relaxing, but didn't want to take too long this time, because I was so tired. I finished my trip and texted my husband that I would be home, so that he could help me out carrying the stuff in. He grabbed most of the bags and waited for me to walk in, which I thought was odd. There, waiting for me, when I opened the door, was a sight I really did not want to see. The baby was awake, and playing, and in the mood to party. Are you kidding me???!!!! I asked my husband how long he was awake for, and he told me the story...

Shortly after I had left for the grocery store, he was watching TV when he began to hear noises. Now, my older son has an imaginary friend, and sometimes our own imaginations get to us.  He went to hear what all the noise was, so he crept quietly up the stairs. He gingerly opened the bedroom door, and looked to his right. There, standing on the rocking chair, playing with the switch for the fan, was the baby. My husband almost screamed, thinking it was something else, and grabbed him.  Forty five minutes later, I came home to the party.

As I am writing this, he's screaming in mock agony and pain, refusing to sleep. He has escaped, yet again, and is keeping his older brother awake with his crying. I feel bad for big brother, but life's tough. Maybe (God willing) they'll both sleep in tomorrow. One can hope...

Oh how I miss you...

Observation #829

I wish my kids spent as much time and effort cleaning up their messes, as they do making them. My two year old just spent the last 10 minutes studiously moving all our shoes from the shoe rack, to the bottom rack of my coffee table. He's actually panting with all the effort it has taken him. He occasionally looks to see how I will react to his progress. He has just announced that he's done. We'll see what happens and how long it takes for clean up...

2 Year Old Requests

This is how a typical request from my two year old plays out.

"Can I have ____________?" (insert desired item here, today it was milk.)

"How about some water?" (I'm pretty sure he doesn't really want milk.)

"I want milk."

"Give me a  minute, I'll go grab it."

"Can I have milk?"

"One second."

...Dying, he HAS TO HAVE HIS MILK!

Crying and whining ensues, "I want milk, I need milk, give me milk!!!"

My house is run by dictators.

Grab the milk, and pour into his cup.

Takes a sip, "I don't want it."

Bonus: When he's in one of his awesome moods, he sometimes he throws whatever it is back at me...

So Insulting

My older son is learning various ways to insult people. His insults range from, "You're a trash can!" To, " You're a tomato." I've also heard, "You're a zucchini." (It sounds funnier in Arabic.) I'm not sure where he learns his various phrases from, or how he dreams them up, but I guess I can't be TOO upset...yet.

BFF vs DH

BFF

Me: "Ugh, it's been forever since I've had a hair cut."
BFF: "Drop off the kids tomorrow, I'll watch them, go get your hair did!"

DH

Me: "Ugh, it's been forever since I've had a hair cut."
DH: Stares blankly...
DH: "Yeah, it's been a few weeks for me too, I think I'll go get a trim." Walks out the door...

I AM Superwoman

Today was a really long day, so I will take this opportunity to pull some bragging rights.  This morning I woke up at 7 AM and HAD to get up because the baby was the one who woke up first, and he doesn't get the concept of not waking up everyone in the house (I slept at 1 last night, I was not happy about this). So he wakes up and starts screaming to wake his older brother up, who comes running to complain that his little brother woke him up. We get up, get dressed, and get breakfast.

Afterward, I hung out with them while they played, and tried to get in some laundry. I washed AND folded three loads of laundry today. Then the baby started acting crazy, because he woke up early, and I tried to put him down for a nap at 12. 2 hours later, he was still jumping around in his crib and talking to himself. Cue more laundry and folding, while my 4 year old attempted to help (IE jump on the bed as I'm trying to fold). Checked on the baby, who was finally asleep (at 2:15, 2.25 hours after I put him down).

I got dinner started, did another load of laundry, and washed one set of bath mats. At 3:30, we woke the baby up, and hung out for a bit. He was acting nuts because he hadn't slept enough, so I spent about 30 minutes calming him down. Finally started on dinner around 4. They finished around 4:30 and started beating each other for fun (I grabbed my second cup of coffee at that point).  I took that opportunity to wash the dishes again and clean up, while they beat each other to a pulp.

We left the house at 5:15 and got stuck in rush hour traffic on 395 (yay DC!).  I finally got to the center and taught my first Zumba class there. Afterward, I braved Giant with the two crazies, and picked up some last minute stuff for Friday play date. We finally got home around 8 and the baby ran around like a nut job for a bit before I could put him on the toilet (big brother was doing the potty dance by the time we got home and rushed to the bathroom without too much drama). We brushed everyone's teeth, and got them to bed. That's when the real fun began.

Since I was already stinky and disgusting from teaching Zumba, I decided to clean all three bathrooms, and make the dough for tomorrow's pizza.  I washed another set of bath mats and put everything away. By the time I got in the shower, it was 10.  It's now 10:40, and I'm finally settling down and writing. I knew that if I sat down at all, I would have gotten lazy, so I couldn't stop.

So there you have it, I AM Superwoman. Kudos to those of you who do this with more than one kid, or do it on a daily basis. I sure can't! All I hope is that the coffee will have worn off by the time I climb into bed.