What I Say VS What They Hear

I Say: I'm going to the bathroom/shower, please don't kill each other.
They Hear:  I'm going to the bathroom, the second I close the door, please feel free to pound each other to bits, cry, scream, reach under the door and call for me the entire time.

I Say: We have to leave in ten minutes, use the bathroom, put your shoes and jackets on.
They Hear: We have to leave in ten hours, please take your time, run around the house, hurt each other more, and take off ALL your clothes.

I Say: I'm going to the gym, I'll be back in a little bit.
They Hear: Mama is leaving you with Baba, destroy the house, eat everything, and leave a huge mess.

I Say: I'm tired, I'm going to lay down and nap for a little.
They Hear: Jump on Mama like a trampoline and wrestle on top of her while she's laying down.

I Say: Put the iPad, phone, remote, etc. down now!
They Hear: Run as fast as you can away from me with the expensive technology.

I Say: Get in the car and strap your seat belts.
They Hear: Run around the car, run around the neighborhood, jump in all the puddles, get your wet, muddy feet all over the car, and squiggle and squirm while I force you to wear your seat belt.

I Say: Go clean your toys in the basement.
They Hear: Make a bigger mess in the basement.


That's all I can think of for now...